Community targeted advertisements - Only in New Jersey...

Check out this flier I got in the mail the other day. I was so amused to read "TASTE KI BAAT HAI!" on top. I was even more surprised to see that it was from McDonald's, who are currently in the midst of promoting their new coffee drinks.

So for those of you who don't speak Urdu, "TASTE KI BAAT HAI!" means something like "It's about the taste".

I guess they probably found me through my name. But the concept of targeted advertising is quite interesting nevertheless. I don't know if community targeted advertisements are supposed to work better than just ones in plain English, but one thing is for certain. This can only happen in New Jersey!

Why do snakes keep escaping inside planes?

If you're going to carry snakes on a plane, then wouldn't it be advisable to put them in a secure container? Turns out last week, some pythons escaped on a Qantas Airways flight!

The snakes, just six inches long, were among 12 Stimson's pythons being flown from Alice Springs to Melbourne. At first it was thought the reptiles may have been eaten by the other snakes, but this was discounted after they were weighed on landing. Passengers were transferred to other aircraft. The jet was fumigated but the snakes' bodies are yet to be found. "They're not endangered so a decision was made to fumigate...if these snakes turn up they will be very much dead snakes," David Epstein of Qantas said.

Let's hope they find them alive.

But the questions remain unanswered: How do these damn creatures keep escaping? And secondly, why do we feel the need to keep transporting snakes on planes? This isn't the first time snakes have escaped. I've talked about this a few years back!

By now you must realize that I like talking about snakes a lot. But I don't really like them. In fact, I'm terrified of them. I think being surrounded by snakes is as awful a death as being surrounded by sharks. But I find these critters fascinating, because for some oddball reason, snake movies rock! I'm sorry, fans of Jaws, but shark movies do not rock. Read my top 10 snake movies list (it's actually just 8!) for convincing evidence.

Ever heard of the female shopping cycle?

So a recent study has linked shopping splurges to the menstrual cycle. It claims that...

...In the ten days before their periods begin women are more likely to make extravagant impulse buys, according to researchers. Psychologists believe that shopping sprees could be a way for premenstrual women to deal with the negative emotions created by their hormonal changes.

For the study 443 women were asked about their shopping patterns. The 153 women in the sample who were in the later stages of their menstrual cycle tended to have less control of their spending.

Professor Karen Pine of Hertfordshire University, who led the survey, told the Daily Mail: "Spending was less controlled, more impulsive and more excessive for women in the luteal phase [the days immediately before their period].

"The spending behaviour tends to be a reaction to intense emotions. They are feeling very stressed or depressed and are more likely to go shopping to cheer themselves up and using it to regulate emotions."

She added: "It is also a socially sanctioned way to deal with emotional overload compared to turning to drink or drugs.

"If women are worried about their spending behaviour then they should avoid going shopping at the end of their menstrual cycle."

Hmm. I always wondered why women at the shopping mall seem so perplexed!

I'm temporarily deactivating myself from facebook

I love facebook, but I'm addicted to it. I literally log on to it first thing in the morning and it's always the last thing I check before sleeping. Even while procrastinating during work or day dreaming or while watching tv, I subconsciously log on and start browsing the facebook profiles, notes and pictures of people, most of whom I don't really care about, nor will I ever meet...ever again in life. Its really sad.

I really need to focus in the next few months, so I'm going to do a little experiment here and deactivate myself temporarily from facebook. (Interesting to note that I think its not possible to delete ones account, which is kind of wierd and a little dangerous.)

Anyway, so let's see how long this experiment lasts and how productive I am. I certainly hope I'm a lot more productive. I'll still keep on blogging though, so the 3 people who follow my blog are still entertained. Woo hoo!

How has it been thus far? Well, too early to tell as today is my first day without facebook. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I deactivated my account, and I'm already having withdrawal effects. There seriously must be some medical term for Internet addition. If not, it needs to be considered. So I've been to the site 3 times before realizing that I can't log on. Of those 3 times, I plugged in my user name and password once before realizing it. This is madness!

Money saving tips from crazy people

In these harsh economic times, saving money is on everyone's mind. Google is now moderating a website called 'Tip Jar' where it gathers tips from users and various websites. Readers can rank these tips and the ones that are ranked highest, obviously pop up first. A lot of them are quite sensible, but some near the bottom of the page are just plain stupid. I'll share the ones I find most amusing.

"Breast feed your children for the health benefits (to mother and child) and take the cost savings of not buying formula and bottles as an added bonus. Even with the costs of a breast pump and storage supplies, you'll still come out way ahead."

Health: "Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores"

Tech: "Use google maps to create a cultural/contextual map of your community"

Misc: "Take the extra time to spell things correctly - it shows you care about who's reading what you've written. Grammar, spelling and punctuation are often overlooked when communicating via the Internet."

Misc: "Do not eat yellow snow."

Lack of unselfish attractive women driving force behind being single

A female friend of mine and I were talking about dating in broad terms and she mused upon the fact that one often sees an 'attractive' girl on the arm of an 'average' looking guy. She says its really rare to see a really good looking guy with an average looking girl. Her reasoning was that women are a lot less picky about a guy's looks. Guy's on the other hand, she claimed, are extremely picky and care more about the girls looks. We may argue as to what the reasons for this are, but one can't argue against this observable trend. Her observations are quite on the spot.

Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and these are subjective terms of description, but one can make a few assumptions, build a simple model and see what the conclusions are. And if I offend anyone along the way...too bad.

Assumptions:

1. Attractive women prefer attractive men and average men equally
2. Assume a global scale of attractiveness, with attractive and average the only two categories
   
3. Random mixing of both sexes
   
4. Complete mixing towards a steady state
5. Maximum likelihood estimates of probabilities at equilibrium
6. Let attractive girls be the driving force behind dating
   

Method and Results:

• Let x be the proportion of attractive girls and y be the proportion of attractive boys
• Upon complete mixing, x/2 attractive girls will be with attractive boys and x/2 with average boys.
  
• y-x/2 attractive boys remain without a partner
• y-x/2 average girls remain without a partner
• If y-x/2 = 0, (i.e. no attractive single boys remain or no single average looking girls remain) x = 2y

Conclusions and discussion:

According to this model, if one wants the entire population to have a partner, then there needs to be twice as many pretty girls as attractive men. It seems that this inherent lack of 'pickiness' in girls is keeping average looking girls from finding a partner. If attractive girls were as selfish as attractive boys, then there wouldn't be any single people left over.

So where do homosexual people fit in to this model? Well, they don't really but one can see where they might be involved. According to this model, the only groups of people not with someone of the opposite sex are average looking girls and good looking men. And you know what they say about gay guys and lesbians. Maybe this model is on one extreme end, but reality is somewhere closer to this model than to a model which includes only dating within your league.

January 20th, 2009: The day that Barack Obama became president

Some cartoons that will remind me of this historic day...









...Thanks Tony!

You know you should get rid of your car when...

I have a really old car and I've kept it for a lot longer than I should have. I've put a lot of money into it, when I shouldn't have and I think I've replaced every conceivable part inside of it. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes as I did so as a public service announcement, I'd like to give you some advice as to when you should dump that heap.

You know you need to get rid of your car when...

• ...the call operator at AAA and you, are on a first name basis.
  
• ...the mechanic where you usually take the car to, is so thankful for the business you give him, that he always drops you home after you drop the car off...and buys you fresh cut flowers for the holidays.
  
• ...you find yourself parking far away from other cars so that your spot is tow-truck accessible.
  
• ...you stopped locking your car overnight back in 2003.
• ...the gas tank lever is busted and you've perfected getting gas at a self-serve to an art form. (What I do jam the car keys underneath the lever inside the car and then rush outside to the gas tank and open it before the lever slips. I have about 3 seconds to do this)
• ...the gas tank gauge flickers between empty and full constantly and you've actually been stranded on the side of a highway without gas.
  
• ...you rotate and replace your bicycle tires a lot more often than your car tires.
  
• ...you actually have a special prayer which you recite before you turn the ignition.
• ...in the winter, you climb in through the passenger door at the back because the front doors just don't open
• ...the trunk key needs to go in at a highly precise angle if you want it open. And you have only 1 shot at it.
  
• ...the car keys are more twisted than a Hitchcock film as you've used to them to open letters, beer bottles, the bathroom door, and the bathroom tiles.
  

Poll results: Wendy's fries don't measure up to McDonalds...

..and I have no idea why. I really do not like the fries at the McD's. They're thin and too crunchy. But the people hath spoken, and I must accept and publish the results of this non-scientific, utterly useless, waste-of-time survey.
There were 9 votes for Wendy's however, (most of them probably being me from different computers) so at least Wendy's is second best in my highly skewed, completed BS, useless poll of the month.

Top 10 Snake Movies of all time

As a movie buff, and especially a snake movie buff, I owe it to the world to reveal my top 10 Snake movies of all time. These movies have given me so much in return, besides the invaluable knowledge about our reptilian friends, that I feel obligated to honor them in this very special blog post.
So what makes a great snake movie? What makes it stand out? Could it be the crazy unfathomable plot? Perhaps it is the blonde bombshell scientist....with a heart? Or is it the crazy snake that looks like it was made with Sega Genesis graphics? Is it the lack of a coherent story, a satisfying ending, or the utter randomness of events?

Friends. It's all of the above. Here we go!

10 - Anacondas: The hunt for the Black Orchid
Tagline: The hunters will become the hunted
Good things: Beautiful dialogue, black guy screaming all the time, cocky confidant white guy that gets eaten first, creative plot (they're hunting for some flower which provides the secret to the fountain of youth), diverse Benetton-like/United Nations cast. And a shitload of man eating anacondas!
Bad things: Movie that it took itself too seriously. I don't like that. Everyone is so angry.

9 - Vipers
Tagline: First comes the slither, then comes the slaughter
Good things: If you have a bunch of scientists making some killer vipers in a lab...whats the next best thing that could happen? That's right. The snakes escape and start killing townspeople. Plus having Tara Reid around doesn't hurt.
Bad things: Gives us scientists a bad name. We're not that awkward

7 - Anaconda
Tagline: You can't scream if you can't breathe.
Good things: Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voight, Owen Wilson
Bad things: Ummm - Does Jon Voight actually think he's going to get an Oscar for this garbage if he tries really hard?

6 - Boa vs Python
Tagline: Two Reptilian Killing Machines Face Off To Fight To The Death-With Humanity As The Prize.
Good things: Oh my goodness! A giant python has escaped! What can we do? Well...I'm no genius but let's send this giant Boa after it!!
Bad things: Too many twists in the story. Can you believe that the python and the boa were of the opposite sex? Couldn't the hottie scientist lady figure that out before. Instead of killing each other, the snakes mate. And guess what? More snakes!

4 - Snakes on a Plane
Tagline: Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the fright.
Good things: Given me more party quotes than Shakespeare
Bad things: Why do snakes like penises so much?

3 - Anaconda III
Tagline: They Can Taste Your Fear
Good things: David Hasselhof
Bad things: David Hasselhof

2 - The Snake King
Tagline: Eternal life is guarded by certain death
Good things: A newly discovered tribe of a hybrid between Aborigines, native Americans, and Italians guard the fountain of youth, which in turn is guarded by a 5 headed snake, who in turn guards something else...I'm not really sure. In 5000 years, this tribe has never encountered anyone. But quick learners of English.
Bad things: So many holes, so many unanswered questions....yet so much potential. Sigh!

1 - Python II
Tagline: The beast is back
Good things: Shows that a sequel can actually get better. But you have mix in a random lesbian scene first...
Bad things: I tried my best. I couldn't find anything wrong. This movie is phenomenal.

Yeah. I've only seen 8. That'll do.

Average sick days, absenteeism, honest Hungarians and cheating Swedes

For some odd reason, a post in 2006 asking the question, "What is the average number of sicks days per person?", is the most popular post on my blog. I look at my visitor stats once in a while, and for the past couple of years, random people are really interested in 'average sick days'. Anyway, my previous post on this topic was pretty useless and I've been wanting to do some research and update it with some real information and facts. So here goes.

• In 1996, according to the US Bureu of labor statistics, average paid sick days for small business employees (>70% of the labor force, I think) range from 8-10.9 days depending on the number of years of service.
  
• Some people skip work without calling in. That's called absenteeism and the average rate of absenteeism has gone up from 1.9 % in 2003, 2.4% in 2004, 2.3% in 2005 to 2.5% in 2006. The source for this point and the next 3 points comes from CCH INCORPORATED.
  
• Absenteeism can cost large companies up to $850,000 a year in lost productivity.
• If you're happy, you're less likely to skip work. "Companies reporting poor/fair morale have a 2.9 percent absence rate compared to a rate of just 2.2 percent at organizations with good/very good morale."
• Why are people absent? 35% are sick, 24% have family issues, 18% take time off for personal needs, and the rest are stress (12%), and something called entitlement mentality (11%)
• A British study shows that smokers take an average of 8 more sick days than non-smokers.
• People from different countries differ in how honest they are asking for sick leave. A study has shown that the most dishonest people are from Sweden (17.33 days calling in sick when they really weren't), India (15.49), USA ( 3.07), Italy (2.2) and Germany(1.83). Note the disparity between 2nd place and 3rd place.
• The most honest workers are from Hungary (0.54 days of faked illness a year), Mexico (0.62), Bulgaria (0.67), Turkey (0.73), Belgium (0.93) and South Korea (1.0)

Valentines Day is for the 'ugly' ones amongst us

Amusing post by my friend that concludes, quite conclusively, what most of us suspected all along....
An excerpt is called for...

If you are good looking and male in love with someone hot and female

Since you think you are really hot, you are probably really stupid. This means you will give hot girl something stupid and unoriginal like flowers and candy. Given that hot girl will probably have many suitors, competition will be high and you will be forced to spend more and more to make an impact. This will make you bankrupt and homeless. You will spend the rest of your life being the weird homeless guy who doesn’t feel the need to wear pants.

Definitive Statement on Education

Education Level | What you think | How you act    | What you learn
                |   you know     |                |
==================================================================
Grade School    |   How to have  | Try to have    | How to behave
                |      fun       |    fun         |
------------------------------------------------------------------
High School     |  everything    | Like you know  | How to learn
                |                |   everything   |
------------------------------------------------------------------
College         |  just about    | Like you know  | That there are
                |  everything    | quite a lot    |   things you
                |                |                |   don't know
------------------------------------------------------------------
Graduate School |  some things   | Like you know  | That you
(Masters)       |                |    a lot       | really don't
                |                |                | know much
------------------------------------------------------------------
Graduate School |   NOTHING      | Like you don't | How huge and
(PhD)           |                | want people to | vast an amount
                |                | know that you  | you really
                |                | know nothing   | don't know
------------------------------------------------------------------

Forget the gym - I have my six-pack right here

That's right! Well almost....

A recent study by a Danish group has found that the benefits of alcohol and exercise are comparable, when weighed against the risks of heart disease. This study was highlighted in a recent Time article which caught my eye. In their words...

People who don't drink at all and don't exercise had the highest risk of heart disease. People who drink moderately and exercise had a 50% lower risk. Teetotaling exercisers had a 30% decreased risk, as did moderately drinking couch potatoes. "There's an additional protective effect to doing both," says Gronbaek. "That's the new finding."

Who said research isn't inspiring?

Happy Valentines Day!

Thanks Erhan....

Bud Light Sausage Commercial

This commercial is hilarious! I think I saw it between the Green Bay - Giants game. Haven't seen it too much after though. Sucks!

I have had it with these mother****ing snakes on this mother****ing plane

"Snakes on a Plane" is an awesome movie! Having just watched it recently, I highly recommend it to my readers. I also highly recommend getting under the influence of something before watching it...

Anyway, I couldn't stop laughing when I read the following on CNN this morning...

Customs officers at Cairo's airport have detained a man bound for Saudi Arabia who was trying to smuggle 700 live snakes on a plane, airport authorities said.

The officers were stunned when a passenger, identified as Yahia Rahim Tulba, told them his carryon bag contained live snakes after he was asked to open it.

Tulba opened his bag to show the snakes to the police and asked the officers, who held a safe distance, not to come close. Among the various snakes, hidden in small cloth sacks, were two poisonous cobras, authorities said.

The Egyptian said he had hoped to sell the snakes in Saudi Arabia. Police confiscated the snakes and turned Tulba over to the prosecutor's office, accusing him of violating export laws and endangering the lives of other passengers.

According to the customs officials, Tulba claimed the snakes are wanted by Saudis who display them in glass jars in shops, keep them as pets or sell them to research centers.

The value of the snakes was not immediately known.

That's nuts man. Good thing they didn't need Sam Jackson to kick some snake ass!

Given the dog a bone

I felt in the mood for some AC/DC at work this morning. Don't know why, but I its been a bloody long time since I've heard them. My dad had the LP for AC/DC Live so I used to hear 'Thunderstruck' and 'Back in black' to name a few, every once in a while. Good stuff! The problem was that my dad's record player was a bit busted, so the record would play slightly slower. So when I bought the CD, (or rather ripped it, because I believe Billu bought the CD), I was surprised at the pace of the riff. Not that much faster, but the difference was discernible.

Anyway, "Given the dog a bone", is undoubtedly my favorite AC/DC song. The riff is just so killer! Plus one doesn't need any hints as to what this song is about...

She takes you down easy
Going down to her knees
Going down to the devil
Down down to ninety degrees
She's blowing me crazy
Till my ammunition is dry

Umm, Yeah. Anyway, while doing a Google search for the lyrics, one of the top hits was a site about why we should give our dogs a bone. Hmm. A little excerpt is called for...

Q. Does it matter if the bones are raw or cooked?

A. It does matter. Raw knuckle bones are what I recommend versus cooked or sterilized bones. Cooked bones are more likely to splinter from the effect that high cooking temperatures have on them. And cooked bones, especially the white sterilized bones from the pet stores, will also be deprived of beneficial nutrients which raw knuckle bones are chock full of. A further benefit of raw bones versus the white sterilized bones from the store, are that they are much more yummy to your dog. This translates into more chewing time from your dog, which will both keep him occupied and better clean his teeth.

Good to know.

NYTimes most popular search keywords

The NYTimes most popular articles page on their website also include a list of the most searched keywords by readers. I occasionally glance at the list and its usually a pretty good reflection of the news trends of that week. Iraq is usually there, and recently Iran has been topping the list. However week after week, sex is consistently the number one most searched term. Now I know the average New York Times reader isn't the usual porn addicted freak, so the result is even more amusing for me. From the NYTimes...

Keywords most frequently searched by NYTimes.com readers.

1. sex
2. pet food recall
3. iraq
4. immigration
5. china
6. india
7. health
8. iran
9. global warming
10. long term care

Banned 2007 GoDaddy.com Super Bowl Ad

This is the one that wasn't allowed but everyone was talking about...